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DOCTRINAL STATEMENT
1]
The marriage relationship is the basis of the family,
which in turn is the core of a stable society. As the primary physical
analogy of God's plan for mankind, marriage, child rearing and the
family are given preeminent place in the teachings of the Bible and the
church. Although roles are defined, men and women have equal spiritual
potential before God.
DOCTRINAL
OVERVIEW
2]
The church believes and strongly teaches that marriage
is of divine origin and is a sacred institution in itself. Marriage and
the family picture the family relationship of God. God reveals Himself
as a family composed of two persons-Father and Son-which is now
reproducing itself through mankind by the addition of sons and
daughters. In like manner, mankind physically demonstrates this
God-plane relationship through marriage. Man can, like God, build a
family and add to it while experiencing the joys and happiness that
family life involves. Paul refers to this analogy between marriage and
the family and God's purpose and plan of reproducing Himself through
Christ and the church as "a great mystery" (Eph. 5:32) because it
reveals the very purpose for which God created mankind.
3]
True happiness and personal fulfillment for both sexes
can result from a proper understanding and application of God's
instructions concerning the roles of men and women. All
people-regardless of race, nationality, social status or sex have the
same ultimate goal and are spiritually equal before God. "There is
neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither
male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Gal. 3:28). God's
purpose of reproducing Himself in mankind clearly applies to both male
and female, because all shall be "sons and daughters" of God (2 Cor.
6:18).
4]
When it comes to the marriage and family
relationships, however, both male and female have certain roles of
responsibilities which are not interchangeable. In procreation the male
and female roles cannot be switched. In less mechanized and specialized
societies the strength of the male makes him better suited for hunting
and defending the community, while the activities for which the female
is most suited tend to center around the home, children, and
agriculture. The children take their place in the family and community
as they mature. It is not a question of superiority or inferiority but
of contributing to the common goal in the way each is most able.
5]
The modern family also requires each of its members to
fulfill a certain role, whether that of husband, wife or child. Someone
has to have the final say when a decision is required. On the other
hand, the sharing of responsibility based on physical strength is no
longer so essential in most modern societies. There are different kinds
of intelligence demonstrated by males and females (leaving the
traditional question of the relative importance of environment and
heredity moot), though each area of intelligence is broadly overlapping
between the sexes. Natural intelligence is thus equally distributed
between husbands and wives. Therefore, the wife should contribute fully
to any decision even though the husband is the one who bears final
responsibility.
6]
Furthermore, just as the husband has the final
responsibility for family decisions, he must also shoulder the task of
seeing to their needs. He is a leader, not a taskmaster; a father and
husband, not a boss; one who looks out for the welfare of his entire
family and puts them before himself. He should be respected because he
has earned respect. The wife and children should be willing to submit to
his decisions because he has demonstrated wisdom and sound judgment and
has taken their desires and suggestions into account. The wife content
to have her own desires overruled on occasion because she knows that her
husband will give preference to her judgment when it is clearly the
sounder. The husband should be the leader of the family showing the same
love and respect for his wife as Christ shows for the church. A husband
is instructed to love his wife as Christ loves the church-that is, to be
willing to sacrifice himself for her in every way, for her benefit (Eph.
5:25). This basic principle can be expanded by analogy and comparison
with Jesus' life and death for humanity to every conceivable aspect and
area of life. Women are instructed to "be subject to your husbands, as
to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the head
of the church...As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be
subject in everything to their husbands (Eph. 5:22-24). Paul then
follows this admonition to wives with an equally strong admonition to
husbands that they must love their wives just as much as they love their
own bodies (Eph. 5:28); to indeed nourish and cherish their wives (v.
29). Husbands and wives are therefore to be joined to each other as "one
flesh" (Eph. 5:31 quoting Gen. 2:24). It is interesting to note how much
the Bible is ahead of its time in championing and upholding the equal
position of women in marriage and society.
7]
The very analogy of God's church as the "mother" of
Christians shows that from God's point of view both father
and mother have
specific roles. Both are absolutely essential. The spiritual,
responsibility of the church to nurture, protect, care for, instruct and
even discipline God's spiritual children is analogous to the wife's
responsibilities to nurture, care for, instruct and discipline the
family's offspring. This, of course, no more negates or diminishes the
husband's responsibilities in such matters than it does God's
responsibility as a spiritual Father toward His children. In addition,
the Bible describes that a fundamental responsibility of a wife is to
sustain the home environment ("keepers at home," Titus 2:5 KJV,
"domestic," RSV.
8]
But Proverbs 31 reveals that a woman's area of
responsibility and opportunity is far broader than those who might
interpret "domestic" responsibilities as only scrubbing floors and
cleaning bathrooms. Instead, the ideal wife is pictured as one who has
creatively developed her talents and interests. She is fully
trustworthy, skilled with her hands, hard-working and industrious,
intellectually stimulated, wise and kind. She has a keen sense of
financial risk and responsibility (Prov. 31:16), has sharp business
acumen (v. 18, 24), and is a competent administrator (v. 15). Such a
woman is depicted as being "far more precious than jewels" (Prov. 31:10).
(Once again, this passage evinces biblical superiority over other
ancient literature in promulgating an expanded view of the role of
women, thus foreshadowing and anticipating our modern era.)
9]
Even in contemporary society, it is still normally
mutual advantageous (in addition to being biblically proper) for the
wife to maintain and build the domestic area while the husband maintains
a job or business. But at times, such as when the husband is unemployed
or pursuing an education, it may be necessary to share or exchange
certain duties which would usually be done by the other partner. The
important thing is that the family activities be conducted in mutual
love with respect and appreciation for the needs and wishes of the other
(Eph. 5:21-33), and in accordance with the basic biblical principals.
Many wives are completely fulfilled in caring for their homes and
children. Those who have adequately fulfilled their domestic
responsibilities (e.g., whose children are grown or in school) and who
feel the need for further self-expression should be given the
opportunity to the extent that their family situation allows. Improper
suppression of any human's potential-male or female-is both physically
unwise and spiritually contrary to the plan of God.
10]
The Bible also teaches that a healthy and joyous
sexual relationship should be present within Christian marriages. God
created the sexual differences and attractions between male and female
for several reasons. Besides the obvious purpose of procreation, sexual
relations within marriage are God-ordained as a means whereby a husband
and a wife can express their love for one another (I Cor. 7:3-5; Heb.
13.4). Any sexual relations other than with one's marriage partner (such
as premarital intercourse, adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, etc.)
are condemned in God's Word.
11]
Within marriage the bed should be "undefiled," meaning
not corrupted by adultery or immorality (Heb. 13:4, RSV). Aside from the
common-sense instruction that couples should abstain from sex during a
woman's menstrual period (Lev. 18:19), the Bible-and hence the
church-has no proscriptions against specific acts of sexual relations
except to teach that they must express mutual love, concern and be
consistent with basic biblical principles (Sadomasochism, for example,
would be clearly contrary to such principles.)
12]
The church recognizes that even as God determines how
large His family will become, a couple has the right to mutually agree
upon, and to determine, the size of their family. Wise methods of birth
control which cannot adversely affect the body are encouraged, but such
decisions are best left to the individuals and the proper medical
authorities.
13]
Because of the sanctity of marriage, the Church of God
strongly discourages divorce among its members. As a last resort, there
are only three scriptural reasons why church members may divorce each
other-with subsequent rights of remarriage.
14]
Fraud. This amounts to an annulment, though divorce is
usually required to terminate the marriage. The marriage covenant was
made under a false pretense. One party later finds that he or she has
been defrauded and decides to take action. (Deut. 22:13-21) (The spirit
of this scripture may be applied to other acts of fraud besides the
pretext of virginity.)
15]
Illicit Sexual Activity: In Matthew 5:32 and 19:9,
Jesus Christ states that "whoever divorces his wife, except for
unchastity [porneia] and marries another, commits adultery." The Greek
word porneia includes fornication, adultery, harlotry, homosexuality,
etc.; it is best translated "unchastity" as in the RSV. When porneia has
been committed, the offending party and the marital bond may be broken
(Deut. 24:4; Mt. 5:31-32; 19:9), though Christians should surely be
counseled to be forgiving towards their mates.
16]
(3) Desertion: If one member of a marriage is or
becomes an "unbeliever," and deserts his or her mate-not being "pleased
to dwell" with her or him-the offended party is freed from obligation.
He or she may formalize the separation and any subsequent divorce gives
the right to remarry since "in such a case the brother or sister is not
bound" (1 Cor. 7:15).
17]
If no adequate scriptural grounds for divorce are
present, the church strongly recommends that the couple not divorce
though they may choose to live separately. (If they do divorce, they
should not remarry.) Reconciliation should be achieved at the soonest
possible time. If this is not possible, they should remain single. If
adequate biblical grounds for divorce are present, the couple may
divorce if they have first exhausted all other attempts to resolve their
differences.
18]
While the church allows its members to divorce and
remarry under the above biblical conditions, it does not generally
recommend it. God says He hates divorce (Mal. 2:16), and that should be
the attitude of the church, its ministry, and each of its members. The
church insists that every possible effort be made to reconcile offended
parties. Forgiveness is an intrinsic part of the Christian character
(Mt. 6:14-15) and must be given a prominent role in resolving marital
problems. The church lends its counseling services to aid in achieving
such reconciliation's.
19]
Effective child rearing is also basic to the building
of a strong and healthy family unit. It is as important as marriage in
portraying the plan of God in that the relationship between parent and
child is the physical type of the spiritual relationship between God and
man.
20]
As in other areas of the Christian life, God's Word
allows great latitude of approach in the rearing of one's children
within the general biblical guidelines. Of course, it is self evident
that a father and mother must clothe, feed and shelter their youngsters
as best they can within their means. For a parent to ignore these basic
responsibilities is, in God's sight, to be "worse than an unbeliever" (1
Timothy 5:8). But the principles of proper child rearing must be far
more inclusive than the basic necessities of life.
21]
The Bible's primary admonition is that parents show
deep love and manifest real affection toward their progeny, just as God
does for us. This love will take many forms: protection from harm,
instruction, encouragement, respect, participation in family activities,
and balanced correction when necessary. The need for parents to express
their love by spending much time with their children in both work and
play is especially stressed by the church. Likewise, great emphasis is
placed upon the need for parents and children to communicate with one
another, and to show genuine interest in each other by active listening.
To this end the church encourages its members to set aside at least one
day a week for a "family night" of planned activities and recreation
together.
22]
Parents have a responsibility to provide moral and
spiritual guidance for their children and to establish values consistent
with the goals of Christianity, through their example as well as by
formal religious instruction. The establishment and nurturing of true
values and moral behavior will at times necessitate punishment for
wrong-doing in the form of removal of privileges or spanking. All such
punishment is done in love only (never in uncontrolled anger), is always
reasonable, consistent and never injurious to the child emotionally or
physically.
23]
The proper balance in discipline of one's children is
important to achieve. Two scriptures that can help define the boundaries
of such balance are Proverbs 13:24 and Ephesians 6:4. In the former,
parents are instructed that "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he
who loves him is diligent to discipline him"; in the latter, parents are
cautioned never to "provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in
the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Thus parents are entrusted
by God to generate and nurture physical, mental, moral, and spiritual
growth in the children that He grants to their care.
24]
Likewise, children have responsibilities toward their
parents. While it is true that the obligation is first the parents to
properly rear their child, it is also true that a child is responsible
for his own actions after a certain age. A child is required by God to
positively respond to his parents. He must love, respect, honor and obey
his genitors and guardians. In so doing, he will contribute to harmony
within the home and receive for himself the blessings of obedience.
Indeed, the fifth commandment, "Honor your father and your mother" is
called "the first commandment with a promise" since God states that as a
result of obedience, "it may be well with you and ... you may live long
on the earth" (Eph. 6:2-3).
25]
Although the building of a family is and can be a
training ground for learning important spiritual lessons, God in no way
commands everyone to marry. On the contrary, the apostle Paul states in
1 Corinthians 7:25-40 that at various times and for various reasons some
may find it better not to marry. Indeed, these verses indicate that some
unmarried persons may find a better opportunity to serve the church
physically and spiritually because of greater amounts of available time
and fewer personal cares and concerns. Neither the married nor the
unmarried state has any inherent spiritual superiority over the other,
however. Everyone should evaluate his own circumstances and make his own
decision in this very private and personal matter.
26]
God is working out a great purpose here below. He has
given men and women great latitude of roles and responsibilities within
certain basic guidelines so they may reach their ultimate physical and
spiritual potential.
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