You Think English is Easy?
Can you read these right the first time?
1) The bandage was wound
around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce
produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to
refuse more
refuse.
4) We must polish the
Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he
would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert
his dessert in the
desert.
7) Since there is no time like the
present, he thought it was time to
present the
present .
8) A bass was painted on
the head of the bass
drum.
9) When shot at, the dove
dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to
the object.
11) The insurance was invalid
for the invalid.
12) There was a row
among the oarsmen about how to row
13) They were too close
to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny
things when the does are
present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer
fell down into a sewer
line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his
sow to
sow.
17) The wind was too
strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear
in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the
subject to a series of
tests.
20) How can I intimate
this to my most intimate
friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg
in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or
French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while
sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English
for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a
guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of
tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One
goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one
amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of
all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a
vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what
language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run
and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a
wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at
the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn
up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling
it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it
reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course,
is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out,
they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are
invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"
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